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Trauma Bay

by Katie Rottner

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1.
IPR 02:50
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Your God is too small If He can’t hold me If He can’t love me The way that I am I asked for a chance For a place at the table You said you were so sorry But it couldn’t be done And my heart split wide open and I couldn’t breathe, you Prayed to a God that I’ll never believe I guess that’s just the difference between You and I You made your decision, said You know what’s right Cried by myself for the rest of the night I guess that’s one way you could divide You and I And I know that I do not Have all of the friends you’ve got But I’m forgetting what I was taught I know they were lies When my heart splits wide open and I cannot breathe I’ll pray to a God that is worth my belief Until there’s no difference, until there’s no difference Until there’s no difference between… And I know that I do not Have all of the friends you’ve got But I’m forgetting what I was taught I know they were lies And I know all the rules you read They were never written for me I will find something, I believe It will keep me alive Your God is too small If He can’t hold me If He can’t love me The way that I am
2.
Transplant 02:14
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Oh I don’t pray But you can bet I’m praying tonight Darkness calls, for now I’m holding onto light If I can hope, then I’m hoping for a miracle all right I need a change in my circumstance I need a new heart I need a new heart Maybe I didn’t earn it Maybe I don’t deserve it But I need a new heart You think you Can control the ocean’s tide I know you You won’t let me out your sight Let go It’s not on you alone to try and make this right I just need a change in my circumstance I need a new heart I need a new heart Maybe I didn’t earn it Maybe I don’t deserve it But I need a new heart I know I could lose but I wanna go through it I know I could lose but I wanna go through it With a new heart With a new heart I need a change in my circumstance I need a new heart I need a new heart Maybe I didn’t earn it Maybe I don’t deserve it But I need a new heart But I don’t pray
3.
NICU 03:56
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She’s such a sweetheart Oh, she’s just what you want With her eyes so beautiful Like nothing that you have ever seen You got an idea? Oh, let’s try it right here I don’t care what’s impossible I’m willing to do anything I’ll start a revolution, I don’t mind I would do anything for a little time I’m not backing down She’s gonna turn around Cuz she’s one of a kind, she’s a mystery I refuse to let her be a memory She’s unforgettable It was a Wednesday Like any other day But somehow I could sense it Something was just out of place Oh it was right there I felt it in the air Still I know that she’s gonna make it She’s gonna make it okay I’ll start a revolution, I don’t mind I would do anything for a little time I’m not backing down She’s gonna turn around Cuz she’s one of a kind, she’s a mystery I refuse to let her be a memory She’s unforgettable She’s in danger You gotta get to her Don’t leave her all on her own Don’t make this their very last breath Oh she’ll be okay She’ll make it any way Oh once you’ve fought for survival That’s something you never forget I’ll start a revolution, I don’t mind I would do anything for a little time I’m not backing down She’s gonna turn around Cuz she’s one of a kind, she’s a mystery I refuse to let her be a memory She’s unforgettable Is she okay? Is she okay? Does she look okay To you? Is she okay? Is she okay? Does she look okay To you? Is she okay? Is she okay? Does she look okay To you?
4.
Individual Supervision 03:04
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I wasn’t taught to talk I was taught to listen To be seen but never heard To never call attention It takes a lot of nerve To really start to question Why I apologize How I get in my way I have a voice But what do I have to say Oh it’s exhausting, I feel like I’m lost, I can’t Find the way What would you think If I told you the truth Can I tell you the weight of it and all the pain, What if it hurts you? But now I start to see It’s not about protection Anticipating fears And guessing your intention Yeah there’s a risk of loss In every conversation That’s why I think that I can hide To make everything okay I have a voice But what do I have to say Oh it’s exhausting, I feel like I’m lost, I can’t Find the way What would you think If I told you the truth Can I tell you the weight of it and all the pain, What if it hurts you? I wonder why the Opposite of that Seems to terrify me But I’ve learned lately Somehow, maybe that Doesn’t help you or me I know I’ll need to talk I know I’ll need to listen To what’s inside my heart It deserves my full attention I will always know I have a right to my opinion I’ll need curiosity And help along the way
5.
Spiritual Struggle 03:43
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God grant me patience God grant me peace Give me the courage to stand up, This life’s got me down on my knees If you make me strong I could do what you please God grant me patience And the strength to believe God I am empty Please fill this cup Oh I went down a bad road and I Know I messed everything up I know you’ve got a plan But I can’t figure out what God give me something Cuz I don’t have enough God I am angry Where have you gone? Left me alone in a world Where everything seems to be wrong Some days I’m trying Some days I fall God I need something I got nothing at all So step off your white cloud And look what you’ve made You can’t come down and face us? Admit that you made some mistakes? We have no protection Lord, we’re always afraid God please do something Before it’s too late Lord, I’ve been praying Maybe a little too long Been too understanding And I know that’s where I went wrong You could have done more Oh, why didn’t you do more Left me crying on the floor Wond’rin what was this for God grant me patience God grant me peace Give me the courage to stand up, And the strength to believe
6.
Trauma Bay 02:42
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I knew you had to go Though I can’t say the reason I remember your voice Terrified, then defeated Left no goodbye note Not that I’d want to read it In the shadow of your life In the shadow of your life I will never not know How bad a body breaks One hit is all it takes I saw it take you You know something I don’t You’re not here for me to ask Why I’ll walk but you won’t And I’ll talk but hear nothing back Tell me this is a joke Oh I know you loved to laugh Because you were in my life Because you were in my life And I’ll never not know How fast the news can break One second’s all it takes I saw it take you I’ll live without you, with one hand on on my heart I’ll live without you, though I am falling apart And I’ll never not know How bad a body breaks One hit is all it takes I saw it take you And I’ll never not know How fast the news can break One second’s all it takes I saw it take you
7.
24 Hours 01:58
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Oh I’m just sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen Sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen I’m just sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen Cuz if something happens I’m gonna lose my mind… Got called down to the basement, had to open the door, There’s a baby that’s been crying that’s not crying anymore And the suits and specialists, they all can agree When the lights go out that’s when they call me That’s why I’m sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen Sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen I’m just sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen Cuz if something happens I’m gonna lose my mind… Oh the song of the siren yeah it lands with a thud When the street’s been collecting an unfair amount of blood Oh the badges and the ambulances fresh from the scene They got the evidence and you know what it means It means I’m sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen Sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen I’m just sitting here, hoping Nothing’s gonna happen Cuz if something happens I’m gonna Lose my mind

credits

released August 21, 2022

Recorded at Third Street Music in Hamilton, Ohio
Created with a lot of help (and guitar playing) from Mark Joshua
Special thanks to Ruth Alpers

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Katie Rottner Hamilton, Ohio

katierottnermusic@gmail.com

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